Having just turned the grand old age of 20 as we went into 'lockdown', I shortly embarked on a quarter-life crisis... I didn't know what to with myself, now as an adult stuck in my childhood bedroom with nothing to do. I did eventually get out of being selfishly stressed out- there is more to life than missed internships and cancelled festivals. I broke down how I was feeling into the generic 'Five Stages of *insert trauma here*', and it helped. This is an incredibly tough, weird Orwellian time that we're all in together.
1. Denial
No doubt, you sat watching the peroxide coloured man we call a Prime
Minister announce lockdown in his 17:30 broadcast, and feel something like the world shattering
around you. It was, of course, the right call to make and should have happened
earlier. However, it is daunting to have to put every bit of your working,
social and academic lives on hold for, well we don’t know how long for. It’s
safest to space out and believe it’s not happening! Simply just ignore the
piles of emails and attempted 'zooms' from professors, never learn what ‘furlough’
actually is and turn your phone off for a week. Deny, deny, deny…
2. Anger
Turns out there is a limited time frame on attempting to drown
out the world in crisis with TikTok. It’s time to wake up from
the blissful haze of ignorance and realise that we are in a big old mess! You
now watch the news like it’s a crime drama to binge and begin to spiral: spiral
deep down into a tangled web of conspiracy theory, sceptical online ‘newspapers’
and angry, angry twitter threads (from your Grandad in my case). Blaming
grossly rich societal figureheads (Richard Branson/Tim Martin/Victoria Beckham)
for the state of our country becomes your new hobby, and tea with your family resembles
those old white men booing over each other in parliament. You don’t actually know know what is going on (because who does?), but boy, are you angry about something. Very angry- thank goodness for your daily walk because it’s keeping you
sane.
3. Bargaining
I don’t think this particular stage will ever be one to get
over- the stage of the ‘What Ifs’: what if lockdown hadn’t happened? The
anger has melted away as, unlike a middle-aged woman (a ‘Karen’ most likely)
you can’t stay full of rage for too long. Now, you’ve moved onto reminiscing
life pre-lockdown. This is a highly dangerous period of vastly over
romanticising anything you've ever experienced. Rogue nights out fizz in your memory as wild
adventures, slogs in the library are remembered as eureka moments and hungover shifts are dazzling career highlights in your foggy recollection. In this weird time of home
imprisonment, anything before it seems like a past life lived in a perfect, effervescent
dream state. In reality, it was just fine. But, if it’s going to take living
retrospectively to get you through the day then I think that’s okay.
It’s very important to not use this term too lightly. Feeling ‘depressed’
isn’t some castaway adjectival phrase, it’s a medical condition. In
the case of these stages of lockdown, I took it to mean the
almighty grogginess we’ve all become victim to. Motivation has been sucked out of
our systems like the last dregs of a McDonalds milkshake though those paper
straws. You’re sleeping in and then staying up, succumbing to the routine of an
indecisive insomniac. It's hard to be productive (whatever that means) when you've forgotten what you're working towards. As long as you’re looking after yourself and others, I
don’t think one can have too many duvet days. They’re good for the soul.
5. Acceptance
And... before you know it, you’ve reached the final stage:
accepting that you have no clue on how to do things, and that is ok! Making a
playlist for every single possible mood is a successful use of your
time, it is ok if you didn’t run 5K in 20 mins and it is more than fine if you
don’t have a politically intelligent and ethically mindful opinion for everything
that’s happening (*yawns*). It is enough to just be. Message your family, talk to your
friends and get outside if you can. Notice your privileges and look out
for those around you who aren’t safe to just 'stay at home'. Coming to accept that you’re
living through such a strange and upsetting time is hard, so congratulations.
Lockdown? You’ve completed it mate.
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